“It’s a miracle!”, shouted Horton Hectaplex as he removed the perfectly toasted bun halves from the platinum coated cooking surface of his gold and silver plated 600,00 btu, 12 burner grill and saw the likeness of Patron Chef Emeril burned into the surface of the buns. “I dropped my flipper and it went “BAM” as it hit the ground. That’s when I knew I was in the presence of something holy freaking spiritual.” Scientists from the Center for Preservation of Celebrity Chef’s Images (housed in an unused janitor’s closet in the Department of Homeland Security) had been on the scene for weeks testing the grill and searching out any evidence of fraud. In a recent interview on Joliet’s Not So Public Radio, Elvira “Peaches” Melba, spokesperson for the Center commented that, “We have often seen images of Saint Emeril in tortillas and pancakes and once on the underside of an Interstate 90 overpass outside of Missoula, but this is the first time Emeril has shown up on someone’s buns. The town council plans to pass a bond issue to raise the money needed to create a permanent home for the miracle bread. Until then Hector’s buns will be kept in a hermetically sealed Wal-Mart bag and placed on temporary display in the Bruce Lowsis Vaccination Center adjacent to “The Supermarket at the End of the Road”. Preservation donations will be gratefully accepted.
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